The Power of a Village… THANK YOU!!!

Let me start this blog off by saying this: by no means is my son an Olympic athlete. He started running cross-country a couple years ago as a means to stay active and be a part of a team. Last week he had his first meet of the season. Up until then, he had regular practice each day and even ran some in the summer. He also grew quite a bit over the last few months and was excited about his new “man” strength! 😊 But somehow for the first time, before the race, I saw fear in his eyes. He was so nervous and spoke of pain in his ankle and shin, and just lacked confidence. Nonetheless, as always, we were on the sidelines cheering him on expecting a successful run.

After his race, he was near tears. He was so disappointed in his performance. He was passed by some of his underclassman teammates, finished with a lower time than his previous year and placed 56th overall. He was devastated. We of course, cheered him up, encouraged him and helped him refocus his attention toward the upcoming races as best as we could.

That next week went on like a typical week. The kids went to school, practice, church, and we had our normal family time each day. Oh yeah, we also had a little Labor Day get-together at our house, but other than that, the week was normal. Hindsight, I’ve come to reflect, that our week was anything but normal.

That Sunday, our pastor preached a message about the power of the Spirit. He talked about telling your body and your mind to line up with what God says about you. That Monday during our get-together, one of his great mentors went on a run with him, while some of the other fellas sat on the porch with him and watched a couple of his favorite shows. They spoke life to him and just treated him like the awesome young man he is. On Wednesday, he went to youth Bible study, where the pastor talked about “believing”/ having faith over fear and doubt.

By Thursday of this week, it was time for another race. On the way to school we gave him the typical pep talk, prayed and encouraged him to do his best. Later that day, as he stood at the starting line with 100+ young men, we weren’t sure what to expect, but we were hoping for the best. As always, I made the 1-hour drive to be on the sidelines, while his dad got permission to leave an hour early from work to be there as well. When the gun went off to start the race, I saw a difference in him. I saw a confidence. A determination. As he fought his way to get toward the front of the pack, I was excited about how this race could go.

For the next several minutes, I watched him run through the woods, up and down the hills, and on the track with boldness. It was nearly 90 degrees outside, the terrain was steep, rugged and rough. He reflected later that on his toughest hill, we wanted to take a break and just speed walk a bit. But he remembered what he learned that week. He simply “believed.” He commanded his body and mind to line up. He listened to the cheers of his teammates and his parents. He realized that for the first time in his cross-country career, he was the lead runner of his team. It propelled him further. He gained momentum. At the last few meters of his race, I saw the fierceness in his eyes. He flew across that finish line with the fastest time he’d ever run, the highest ranking he’d ever had and the proudest he’d ever been.

He later recounted all the small things that pushed him to be great. And though I’d like to think he has an awesome team at home, I fully understand that, as parents we couldn’t possibly do this journey alone. That it is not just the training, love, wisdom, discipline he gets inside the four walls of our house, but it is the weekly Word he gets on a continual basis from our awesome pastor. It is the pep talk he gets from his loving Aunt when he sees her in the summertime, or the love he gets from his Grandmother that cares for him in our absence, or the visit from his Grandfather and Uncle, the beautiful people he sees at church that impart love and affirmation, the teammates that cheer him on from the sidelines, the ladies that served in the nursery and youth department, the teachers that encouraged him to be great, my colleague who drives 3 hours to cheer from the stands, the babysitters that cared for him with love, the positive TV shows that line up with the things we teach him at home… are all forces working hand and hand toward his success.

As parents, we are called to the beautiful yet sometimes challenging task of loving and training our children to become all God has called them to be. It is indeed a journey that lasts a lifetime, however, we also need to remember that it is a collection of the amazing people who surround them, who impart knowledge, wisdom and love that will aide in that journey as well. As graduation draws near, I am beyond grateful for the AMAZING people who have loved on our children past, present and future. I see the fruit of their seed come to life daily. I am also intentional about putting these type of people in their path from birth throughout.

If you are privileged enough to be a teacher, coach, aunt, uncle, mentor, pastor, or any position of influence over children, never doubt the power of your influence. My son still has the trophy given to him by his 2nd grade teacher. He remembers the $100 his uncle sent for his fundraiser, or the encouraging card his Godmother sends each birthday. He remembers when his mentor came to his chess meets, or when his Uncle took the time to read his comic book. You have more power than you know. Your words and acts of love STICK.

Parents, I pray you SUMERGE your children with love and encouragement inside and outside the home. Recognize that this is not a task you can do alone. That every single fabric of their life will leave some sort of imprint. May their journey be filled with people, places and things that bring hope, inspiration and love. In the meantime, thank you so much to all the amazing people all over the country, past and present who have left a beautiful imprint on my son and daughter’s life. You mean more to us than you know. You truly have made a difference in their life and ultimately are the hands and feet of God.

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Cover photo: Quotesnew.com
Text photo: Jenni Dixon

Modesty With a Dash of FABULOUS

Modesty. A term that seems subjective. Similar to the word beautiful, or fabulous, we tend to think it’s parameters are in the hands or discretion of each individual.  A 15-year old’s idea of modesty is certainly different than that of a 65-year-old. Two totally different eras, right? Over time, we have dumbed this word down and replaced it with terms such as old-fashioned, Plain Jane, simplistic, and even boring.  However, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, modesty is defined as: “Behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.”

Interestingly enough, a typical 65-year-old would look at today’s 15-year-old in shock of their form of modest apparel. My mother recently cared for our kids while we went out of town. During that time, she questioned the length of my daughter’s school running shorts, claiming they were too short. It is easy to blow that idea off with the thought that “she’s old.” “Clothing is very different these days.” “She can’t possibly understand.” However, as a society, we have grown to be less and less modest with our attire. Our blouses have gotten lower, shorts and skirts have gotten higher, holes have gotten larger and garments in general have gotten tighter.

I remember a family vacation a few years back when we went to the beach. I remember my then 11-year-old son swimming and playing in the sand and being exposed to hundreds of girls and ladies in skimpy string bikinis. This was new to him, because he had never seen me wear one and his sister was two years younger and had never worn anything like that either. It made me sad that he was basically surrounded by a bunch of girls in their bra and panties. That I had no way of shielding his eyes or thoughts from the images that were before him. That we have become so liberal as a people to feel comfortable enough to expose ourselves so freely.

I remember starting my teaching career when I was 21. My first year I taught 12th grade, which meant six of my classes were full of 18-year old’s. They would be exposed to me turning my back and writing on the chalkboard, bending down to help them with their assignments, or even walking through the class or hallway in a very tight setting. I got dressed each day with the thought that I didn’t want to hamper their focus. That though I wanted to be stylish and relevant, I would not be a distraction. A deterrent. A hindrance to their learning in any way. I didn’t need their attention on my butt. I didn’t want to win their approval through my breasts. I wanted to gain their respect. I wanted them to listen to me and pay attention to the lesson I was teaching. I used tools such as my smile, my kind heart, my genuine concern for their success to gain their trust and admiration.

After 15 years of teaching high school, though I may have had a few admirers here and there, I never knew about them. I never had a student disrespect me or treat me in an unprofessional manner. I attribute that to the way I carried myself. Over the years, I gained many accolades as a teacher, however, it was never attributed to my physical appearance. I firmly believe because of my stance on modesty and respect, it allowed many students to learn and become successful in my class.

I will always remember the admiration I felt for former first lady, Michelle Obama. She was the epitome of class. On every appearance she was beautiful. Very stylish. She drew the attention of everyone in the room and was ALWAYS fabulous. Though she was in shape, had a beautiful figure, we were never exposed to it. Similar to Meghan Markle, Joanna Gaines, Victoria Osteen, and others in the limelight, we can admire their beauty, talent and position without knowing their bra size. These women are esteemed by millions of people all over the world and they gained those positions honorably.

So, what does modesty look like? Does that mean we have to be frumpy? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It is being FABULOUS, yet not at the expense of causing the opposite sex to stumble. It is being confident without exposing your body parts to prove it. It is gaining attention, without someone’s lust used as the measuring tool. I’ve heard it said, “If you got it, flaunt it.” However, I maintain the idea of, if something is precious/valuable, conceal it. Protect it. Guard it. Our bodies are precious. They are not meant to be used as tools to bait attention. It is a sign of true insecurity. Be confident enough in yourself to know that you are worth more than a cheap stare, an inappropriate comment or lewd gesture.

Know that regardless your age, others are looking to you to define beauty. I realize my daughter is watching me.  I realize I must maintain integrity without compromise of style, especially since we hold her to the same standards. We are strategic with shopping and try to model these standards whether at the beach, church, gym, work or school.  I recently attended a formal event. Without trying, I selected a dress where my body was covered from neck to heel. Though that sounds SO frumpy, it was actually very classy. I was able to look and feel beautiful while honoring myself and my husband as well. I understand it may be challenging to find great clothing that is modest without the compromise of style, but it can definitely be done.  I try to shop brands such as Free People, Altert’d State, J.Crew, Anthropologie, Banana Republic, Lucky Brand, Old Navy, Gap and others that are more glowy and less showy. 😊

Modesty doesn’t have to disintegrate/diminish over time. We can continue to uphold the terms of it’s definition, even as styles and ideas advance.  Regardless the era, we need to let our pure heart be our greatest asset. Let it inspire our attire and behavior. Let it exude through our smile and style so much that we are indeed attractive, but for reasons that are pure and admirable, respectable and inspirational. When you know your worth, when you realize you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you won’t have to scream it from the rooftops, it will shine in every area of your life!!! Go get your shine on, Beautiful!!!! 😊

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Title image photo cred: Pinterest
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com

19 Year Anniversary: Fight or Flight???

My husband and I celebrated 19 years of marriage last weekend!!! It was truly a major milestone!! Both of us come from single parent homes and are really figuring this all out as we go. Nevertheless, over the years, I’ve had many people say they look to us (and other couples) and see their #marriagegoals, an awesome union, the perfect little family… I mean, I work from home, my husband has a great job, we live in a cute little house in the mountains, we have two awesome kids, we’re all healthy, we live debt-free, and we love God… I mean, we kayak on the weekends and eat at the dinner table together every night for goodness sake!!!! WHAT AN AWESOME LIFE, RIGHT????

I have to admit, though all those things are true, this year was probably one of our toughest. It shook our marriage to its very foundation and had us considering some hard-core questions. It wasn’t because any THING happened. Nobody cheated, nobody lost their job, we didn’t file for bankruptcy or suffer from some major illness. It wasn’t that at all. Honestly, I can’t attribute this wall we hit to anything specific. Perhaps a build up of a ton of tiny little things, or even small transitions over time. Perhaps the fact that we have two teenagers in our home, or that we live two hours away from most of our affiliations, maybe that we were both growing at two different speeds and… I DON’T EVEN KNOW!!!! But whatever the case, the tension was mounting, we couldn’t see eye to eye on anything and the opportunities for disagreement seemed to abound.

This was heartbreaking, because, my husband and I have been best friends since I was 18 years old!!! Our connection has been so genuine and so rare. We do EVERYTHING together. We have SO much fun. We have an amazing history, and more importantly, what we have built and accomplished together is incredible.

Nonetheless, the devastation of our divergence took a toll on everything. It seemed like a dark cloud followed us everywhere we went. The fact that we knew the Word, that we had super friends, ministers and pastors we could turn to, we couldn’t even identify a problem to fix! I imagine this being the part in a person’s life where hopelessness sets in. Where you just say, “We grew apart,” “We just fell out of love,” “We decided to go our separate ways.” And though I admit, I was SOOOOOOOO frustrated and overwhelmed by the tension and stress, if you know me, you KNOW, I was NOT about to give up!!!!

19 YEARS!!!! 19 years of building life together. Making memories. Working through all other MAJOR obstacles. Building and growing. And most importantly, the kids. They were watching us. They were counting on us to step our game up and work this Word. To help them believe in the love we teach and preach about every day. NO SIR!!!! We could not let them down!

For the last several months I committed to doing my part in getting myself together. I read books and devotionals, talked to AMAZING friends, listened to teachings, filled my social media feed with encouragement and even created some alone time to focus on my own personal growth. I took the magnifying glass off my husband and put it on God. During this time, we still had disagreements. We still had rough days, but by now, my faith was so strong, I was confident that relief was on the way.

About that time, I saw an ad for a marriage conference come across my screen. It was called SPARK and it was being hosted by Joel Osteen in Houston, Texas. It just so happened to fall on our anniversary weekend. Though we had bought books to read together, committed to a marriage challenge and were both doing our own individual growth plans, we knew we needed something BIG to get us the proper tune-up. We both knew this conference was IT!!!!

My husband took care of all the accommodations and last week we flew to Houston for a life changing experience. We were in an auditorium with thousands of other couples. Newlyweds on up to people married for 50+ years. The atmosphere alone was inspiring, not to mention the amazing speakers and the wisdom they shared with all of us. My husband and I gleaned so much.  It was EVERYTHING we needed to get us back on track. We spent a couple extra days there just talking and refocusing. We got our first couple’s massage and did some of our old favorite things like walking on the beach, going out to eat, shopping, and just spending uninterrupted time alone to recharge and restore.

I considered how many couples experience hardships that cut deep, that shake the core of their marriage. Some of them have had affairs, suffered job loss, illness or even just hit a wall on their journey. It seems SOOOOOO much easier to quit. Like starting over would wipe away the deep pain they experience on a regular basis. “It’s not fair!”  “I don’t deserve this!”  “I can do better all by myself!” I get it!!! But quitting is NOT an option!!!! You have to FIGHT for your marriage! You made a promise before God and all the other witnesses that you would love each other for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. Now I know today contracts/covenants don’t hold the weight they once did, but that doesn’t make them any less weighty. What is the boundary on your “worse?” Does your “sickness” have a limit? Does “poorer” not include being unemployed for 6 months? We have to go the distance. We have to be committed to doing whatever is necessary to make this partnership work. No matter what.

Interestingly, when our brakes go out on our car, we don’t throw the entire car away. Most of us take it to the shop upon the first squeak. Some of us wait until the light grind, but we never just let the brakes go all the way out; and we don’t leave the car abandoned and go out and buy a new car, with new brakes. Yet too many times at the first sign of discomfort we are ready to trade in the old for “better.” Instead, we must be willing to do the regular maintenance necessary to keeping the car in tip-top shape. When it needs a tune up, tune it up. When it needs a small repair, do it. New cars are great, but their brakes wear down as well. They will need tune-ups as well.

People ask all the time how we made it 19 years. They see us and think we don’t have any real problems. We got it made. I have a GREAT husband, he has a GREAT wife. We don’t know struggle. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. We have our tough times. We have persevered through some MAJOR adversities. The difference is we have made a commitment to NEVER quit. We will take this baby to the shop over and over again. We will perform repairs and continual tune-ups over and over again. We will get up and fight every day to have the happy marriage we always dreamed about.

When times get tough, remember to give each other grace. Read a book, seek counsel, go to a conference, whatever is necessary to keep your marriage healthy and happy. Give your spouse the insurance policy that if he/she gains a few pounds, goes through menopause/post-partum depression, loses their job, gets sick, grows at a different pace, YOU will be right there fighting for them. Believing the best. Helping them win…TOGETHER, through the good and the bad.

No matter how tough it gets, there is grace for us to conquer our storms. And no matter what, quitting is NEVER an option!!!! As for me and my husband, we are going ALL THE WAY!!!! I am so grateful for 19 years and I am SO looking forward to the next 19!!! Here’s to you and your Happily Ever After…with your no- quittin’ self!!!

“I DON’T NEED TO BE FAMOUS…”

I was boutique shopping with a beautiful friend of mine the other day. She just so happens to be an awesome singer and a super favorite around our small town. The gal working the register, an obvious fan, noted “When are you gonna go on TV???!!! You are SOOOO good!!!!”

My friend responded with great modesty, true to her character, “I don’t need to be famous, I’m happy just playing my music here at home, with my people.”

I was so blessed by her response. I could TOTALLY relate. However, I could also understand how foreign her response was to the clerk. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be famous, right? Who wouldn’t want to be seen and adored by thousands, if not millions, right? Why not share your talent with as many people as you can, right?????

As a society, we’ve gotten to the place where more is better. Where all we do is measured by the number of likes, customers, product sold, people in the audience, etc. We crave acknowledgement, a certificate, pin, title, award, or some sort of notoriety for everything we do. We secretly want our content, our YouTube, blog post, picture, or even rant to go viral. We want to be discovered. We crave validation. Acceptance. And ultimately, love.

The problem with this is, in our plight to be noticed by the masses, we forfeit the journey of growing, learning and allowing God the chance to promote us in His timing. We spin our wheels and max out our resources to produce results, often times based on standards of another person’s success. We are so busy climbing ladders, grinding, and chasing a name, we miss out on the little opportunities to cultivate relationships that produce the lasting love that matters.

Within the last couple years, my singing friend retired from an awesome career in education to be at home full time with her family. Nope, she didn’t pack her bags and move to Hollywood, instead, she volunteers at the school, she helps her husband with his business, coaches her son’s basketball league and tends to her parents and elderly grandparents. When she gets a chance, she sings and plays guitar at local venues, festivals and weddings around town. But SHE is super ok with that. Currently, she doesn’t have a triple platinum album, she doesn’t have a Grammy on her wall, she won’t get Administrator of the Year this year, but in the meantime, her daughter has a friend she knows is always there when she needs her. She has a solid marriage of 17 years. She hasn’t missed a ballgame and is able to take her mom to her weekly check-ups at the doctor.

Perhaps if we get back to some of these things that really matter in this life, we will grow our character. We will develop the characteristics necessary to sustaining greater levels of success. We will have a true support system of people who love us and look out for our best interest along the way. We will have made major impact on individuals and created memories throughout.

I’m not saying give up the pursuit of greater or abort taking your talent and visions to their highest level possible. Go get your Grammy!!!! Just don’t let it be at the expense of the things that truly matter. Don’t let it be an attempted replica of someone else’s journey. Many of the people we all admire, follow on Instagram, and see adorned by millions, go to bed lonely with no one they can truly trust. When their career ends, they have no one by their side. No trusted companions or skills to help them sustain or recover their achievement.

As you pursue your purpose, trust in God’s ability to customize the experience for YOU. Put your best foot forward in everything you do because it will ALWAYS lead to greater. Be sure to enjoy the growth that happens during the journey and develop and cherish relationships with the people in your life right now. You will find, their love is better than the superficial love that comes from the masses. The mountaintop is so much better when you get their whole, with great people on your team, with true love in your heart, and with God leading the way. Until then, sing your heart out and enjoy each time you perform in your hometown, post your best blogs if only for an audience of 100, and rock out that business from the ground up … You’ll get your Grammy soon enough… While you’re at it… enjoy the journey!!!

Proverbs 16:9

God is not Black or White…

God is not black or white, Democrat or Republican, Baptist or Catholic… These (and others) are labels created to separate His creation. He IS however, love not hate.

While some celebrate, while others morn, let us shed off the spirit of division and abide in a spirit of faith, hope and above all else, LOVE… Let it govern our thoughts, words, comments, posts, actions… and life.

Are You a Magnet or a Repellant?

You are a magnet!!! You are magnetic!!! People everywhere you go should be drawn to you. Why? Not because you are so amazing (though you are indeed :-)), not because everything in your life is perfect, not because your makeup is on fleek or your breast are exposed… You should be completely compelling because you are made in the likeness and image of the creator of the universe and He lives on the inside of YOU!!!! And no matter what your circumstance is, what you are going through right now, you are RADIANT!!!!

What do you do when you see a squashed piece of rotted fruit on the ground? Walk into a public restroom that hasn’t been cleaned from the last 2,000 flushes? Hear a bratty child screaming at the top of their lungs in line at the grocery store? You get my drift… completely repelled huh? Yeah I get it.

On the contrary, what happens when you see the first of a big budded tree at the beginning of spring? Smell a fresh pot of coffee right when you open your eyes? Walk past the most fabulous dress in the window at a posh boutique? Or smell the ocean as you walk closer to a sunlit shore? There is some sort of seeming magnetic force that pulls you in. That makes you want to move closer. Sometimes makes you stand in awe. You are compelled. You want more. You are hopeful of all the possibilities that lie ahead.

Too many times we wear our issues on our face. We are miserable. We are overwhelmed by the concerns of our day and it prohibits our ability to radiate.  How can we win the world living like that? How can we witness about the greatness of almighty God who causes us to triumph and live in abundance if we are miserable? If people are repelled by us?

There should be a distinct difference in YOU. I should want to come to YOUR counter, YOUR salon. I should want to be a student in YOUR class. Look forward to walking past YOU at the gym; because no matter what is going on in your life, you know brighter days are ahead. You know you are healed. You know you ALWAYS win, and you are FILLED with faith and hope.

When Jesus walked the earth, people came from all around. They flocked to Him. Hung on His every word and waited for the opportunity just to be in his presence. I challenge you to pick your head up. Take off your grave clothes. SMILE!!! Let your light shine. Believe the best. Turn your hope on FULL BLAST and let it ooze out of you. When you teach your class, teach with everything you got! Say hi and smile big as people come near you. Greet each customer with LOVE!

Personally, it is my goal to make people feel like a million bucks when they come in my presence. It is merely a milli-fraction of how I feel when I am in God’s presence. If you find you lack the joy and peace that only He can bring, spend more time with Him. Start your day off in His Word. Praise Him in your circumstance. Consider how much He has blessed your life. Let His love fill you to capacity that it spills over onto all who come near you. When you live in perpetual overflow, people will desperately want to connect to you and ultimately the source of your strength, peace, goodness and joy.