Modesty With a Dash of FABULOUS

Modesty. A term that seems subjective. Similar to the word beautiful, or fabulous, we tend to think it’s parameters are in the hands or discretion of each individual.  A 15-year old’s idea of modesty is certainly different than that of a 65-year-old. Two totally different eras, right? Over time, we have dumbed this word down and replaced it with terms such as old-fashioned, Plain Jane, simplistic, and even boring.  However, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, modesty is defined as: “Behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.”

Interestingly enough, a typical 65-year-old would look at today’s 15-year-old in shock of their form of modest apparel. My mother recently cared for our kids while we went out of town. During that time, she questioned the length of my daughter’s school running shorts, claiming they were too short. It is easy to blow that idea off with the thought that “she’s old.” “Clothing is very different these days.” “She can’t possibly understand.” However, as a society, we have grown to be less and less modest with our attire. Our blouses have gotten lower, shorts and skirts have gotten higher, holes have gotten larger and garments in general have gotten tighter.

I remember a family vacation a few years back when we went to the beach. I remember my then 11-year-old son swimming and playing in the sand and being exposed to hundreds of girls and ladies in skimpy string bikinis. This was new to him, because he had never seen me wear one and his sister was two years younger and had never worn anything like that either. It made me sad that he was basically surrounded by a bunch of girls in their bra and panties. That I had no way of shielding his eyes or thoughts from the images that were before him. That we have become so liberal as a people to feel comfortable enough to expose ourselves so freely.

I remember starting my teaching career when I was 21. My first year I taught 12th grade, which meant six of my classes were full of 18-year old’s. They would be exposed to me turning my back and writing on the chalkboard, bending down to help them with their assignments, or even walking through the class or hallway in a very tight setting. I got dressed each day with the thought that I didn’t want to hamper their focus. That though I wanted to be stylish and relevant, I would not be a distraction. A deterrent. A hindrance to their learning in any way. I didn’t need their attention on my butt. I didn’t want to win their approval through my breasts. I wanted to gain their respect. I wanted them to listen to me and pay attention to the lesson I was teaching. I used tools such as my smile, my kind heart, my genuine concern for their success to gain their trust and admiration.

After 15 years of teaching high school, though I may have had a few admirers here and there, I never knew about them. I never had a student disrespect me or treat me in an unprofessional manner. I attribute that to the way I carried myself. Over the years, I gained many accolades as a teacher, however, it was never attributed to my physical appearance. I firmly believe because of my stance on modesty and respect, it allowed many students to learn and become successful in my class.

I will always remember the admiration I felt for former first lady, Michelle Obama. She was the epitome of class. On every appearance she was beautiful. Very stylish. She drew the attention of everyone in the room and was ALWAYS fabulous. Though she was in shape, had a beautiful figure, we were never exposed to it. Similar to Meghan Markle, Joanna Gaines, Victoria Osteen, and others in the limelight, we can admire their beauty, talent and position without knowing their bra size. These women are esteemed by millions of people all over the world and they gained those positions honorably.

So, what does modesty look like? Does that mean we have to be frumpy? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It is being FABULOUS, yet not at the expense of causing the opposite sex to stumble. It is being confident without exposing your body parts to prove it. It is gaining attention, without someone’s lust used as the measuring tool. I’ve heard it said, “If you got it, flaunt it.” However, I maintain the idea of, if something is precious/valuable, conceal it. Protect it. Guard it. Our bodies are precious. They are not meant to be used as tools to bait attention. It is a sign of true insecurity. Be confident enough in yourself to know that you are worth more than a cheap stare, an inappropriate comment or lewd gesture.

Know that regardless your age, others are looking to you to define beauty. I realize my daughter is watching me.  I realize I must maintain integrity without compromise of style, especially since we hold her to the same standards. We are strategic with shopping and try to model these standards whether at the beach, church, gym, work or school.  I recently attended a formal event. Without trying, I selected a dress where my body was covered from neck to heel. Though that sounds SO frumpy, it was actually very classy. I was able to look and feel beautiful while honoring myself and my husband as well. I understand it may be challenging to find great clothing that is modest without the compromise of style, but it can definitely be done.  I try to shop brands such as Free People, Altert’d State, J.Crew, Anthropologie, Banana Republic, Lucky Brand, Old Navy, Gap and others that are more glowy and less showy. 😊

Modesty doesn’t have to disintegrate/diminish over time. We can continue to uphold the terms of it’s definition, even as styles and ideas advance.  Regardless the era, we need to let our pure heart be our greatest asset. Let it inspire our attire and behavior. Let it exude through our smile and style so much that we are indeed attractive, but for reasons that are pure and admirable, respectable and inspirational. When you know your worth, when you realize you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you won’t have to scream it from the rooftops, it will shine in every area of your life!!! Go get your shine on, Beautiful!!!! 😊

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Title image photo cred: Pinterest
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com

CONFIDENCE LIKE A BEAUTY QUEEN

I remember watching the Miss USA, Miss America and even Miss Universe pageants as a young girl. It was one of my fondest childhood memories. I have even incorporated watching the various pageants as a staple event for my own daughter and I to enjoy together each year.  Similarly to the way most men enjoy the Super Bowl, NBA Finals etc. the game itself is nothing new. One great player replaces another, the underdog makes a winning comeback, the game never gets old. With the pageants, obviously, there is a new lineup of beautiful faces, wearing beautiful gowns and performing or answering a challenging question, but for me, what I enjoy most is watching these ladies exude the highest form of confidence. I mean, think about what it must take to walk in a swimsuit, perform a talent, and answer an impromptu question in front of an audience of thousands of live fans, and millions of TV viewers, all while maintaining the highest level of elegance, grace and poise. WOW!!!

Last week, my dear friend and former Miss USA (1990), Carole Gist, invited me to to attend the live taping of the Miss USA Pageant in Las Vegas. It was an experience I will never forget. I was surrounded by some of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, wearing the most elegant attire, with the most stunning hair, makeup, and accessories. But once again, I couldn’t help but notice the confidence required to be successful at this level of competition. Where does this confidence come from? How can you possibly answer on the spot, “What is your idea of feminism and what does it mean to you?” with 6 inch heels, a gown worth thousands of dollars, a face full of makeup, 10 cameras in your face all in 30 seconds????? I mean, their voice didn’t crack, their knees didn’t buckle, they didn’t stumble, fumble, or waver.

It made me consider the idea that though most of us will never be competitors in the next Miss Universe Pageant, we can, and should still operate in the highest level of confidence and excellence every single day of our lives. But how? Many people today are plagued by the tragedies of their past, by deep feelings of inferiority, by the comparison game and by thoughts of not being good enough. They wear these feelings like badges on their sleeve or camouflage them with high price items, makeup, degrees, name brand clothes, cars, or other things to fill the void of their deep insecurities.  The insanity of that venture is that it never seems to pan out. “I will feel pretty enough if I could just get down to a size 4… If I could just have bigger breast…If I could sing as good as her… The endless plight of getting to a size 4 is only met with yet another point of displeasure and the target is shifted elsewhere.

We all have our points of improvement, parts of our past we wish we could reverse, elements of our appearance we would like to re-sculpt, but this cannot be the measurement that determines our self-worth. Our value is not defined by images on TV, a number on a scale, the tempo at which others are moving, the number of months we breast fed our kids, the length of our hair, or the income we earn.

I’m here to tell you: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!!! No matter what your Mama told you, how your last husband treated you, how many “wrong things” you think you did, how heavy you are, how many scars you have, how many times you failed… YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. God loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. RIGHT NOW. And His love covers your past, covers the molestation, the bad break-ups, the abuse, the lies, the negative comments, the thoughts of inferiority. His love is BIGGER.

When you walk into a room, better than a super hero, you are backed by the acceptance of a God who thought you were important enough to die for. Knowing this should make you hold your head up. Should make you wear a perpetual smile, radiate the beauty of acceptance. Should make you stand tall. Should make you look each obstacle in the eye and tackle it with ease.

Sure, we can all stand to grow. It is imperative that we spend time in the Word daily to constantly improve and become more and more like Christ, but know, that right now, you are already good enough. You are worthy.

I pray that today and every day, you understand your value and how much you are SO loved. I pray that you wear your crown of royalty, that you glide down your runways with grace and poise, that you EXUDE the confidence of a beauty queen and radiate like the royalty you are!!! If the maker of the universe accepts and loves you… who cares what ANY one else has to say about it…

photo: Washington Examiner