TIME DOES NOT HAVE TO FLY… A Back to School Reflection.

Ok, so both my kids are in high school!!!!! 😲😲😔 WHAATTT???!!! This blew me away!!! I mean, it seems like YESTERDAY I was nursing them and teaching them how to use the bathroom!!!! I remember waking up in the middle of the night to feed them, or getting them bundled in alllll their layers of clothing in order to weather the cold, and carrying them in their car seat and wondering “how in the world was I going to get through this????” I mean, it seemed SOOOOO hard and because they were only 19 months apart, it seemed there was no relief. Something as simple as getting ready for bed meant individual baths, and getting them dressed and keeping one entertained while the other was being attended to… it was literally EXHAUSTING!!!!

I remember some of the elders, (ie. WISE, BRILLIANT people we tend to ignore because they just don’t understand our specific situation) used to tell me, “enjoy these moments because they fly right by…” I remember WISHING they would… 😂😂lolol!!! Now that those beautiful babies have grown into amazing 14/16-year old’s right before my eyes, I’ve learned that time does indeed FLY by and I have come to appreciate allllll those tough times as fond moments in this AMAZING journey. Because I have come to value each phase of parenthood, I have also learned how to seize the moments and literally slow down the time.

How in the world can you slow down time, you say? It is actually quite simple: Make each moment count. BE PRESENT. Adjust your perspective and see the joy in that perfect place of the journey. Especially you new moms, or moms of toddlers, or moms of those goofy pre-teens, and OMG… MOMS OF TEENAGERS!!!! YIKES!!! Know that each phase brings about a new terrain. It can be tough, especially when you haven’t tread that path before. It completely sucks when they learn the word “no”, or when they THINK about talking back, driving, dating, or wanting to go on field trips, or getting a new cell phone, or starting HIGH SCHOOL!!!! OMG!!!! IT’S A LOT I KNOW!!!! Each phase brings new challenges indeed, but they are times you will never get back. Ask any empty-nester what they wouldn’t give to put that perfect part in their daughter’s hair with pigtails for the first day of school. How they wish they could sit through just ONE more basketball game. How they wish they could watch one more Disney movie together…

I remember my daughter being rushed to the hospital because her appendix ruptured. We had no idea, but it actually ruptured days before she was admitted, which put her in a critical position. Infection had spread through her body and we were in the hospital for several days. I was still working during that time. I remember actually wrestling with the idea that I had 150 final exams to grade and report cards to post while my daughter had a tube sticking out the middle of her stomach!!! 😦😦😦 It dawned on me then, that my job was taking WAAAAY too much of my attention. That it hindered me from fully focusing on the monumental moments of my children’s lives. I considered how much of my attention COULDN’T be on them, because I was trying to be excellent at my career. That was my last year of teaching. We downsized our lives, I retired from my job and am at home to fully serve my family. Now, I am by NO means suggesting anyone quit their job. For me, I HAD to, and it has made all the difference. But there is surely a way you can slow down the time in your life right now. Whatever way God leads you specifically to enjoy your journey, be sure to adhere. Realize that though we have our entire lives to indulge, chase after dreams, seek promotion, gain advanced education, get overtime hours, one thing we can’t get back is the time that passes and the events that happen throughout. Figure out how YOU can be present for your kids and get to it ASAP.

It doesn’t even have to be super deep. Being present in the moment looks like this: Attuning fully when they show you their 7,456th completed page from their coloring book, listening like you are at a concert when they ask you to hear that song they learned on the flute in band class today, sitting with them while they struggle through that English project, putting your phone down and talking to them in the car on the way to EVERY WHERE, turning off the TV and listening to them during dinner, helping them make that sign for their student council election and the like.

Parents have a tough job. We seem to constantly need relief from the weight it bears. However, if we adjust our perspective a bit and see each phase as a once in a lifetime moment on an amazing journey, we are sure to savor the time. When we purpose to enjoy each day of their childhood, we will never have to answer that horrible question, “Where did the time go?” Because we were right there in the middle of each one of those precious moments with them. Today is tomorrow’s “good old days…” so get out there and Carpe Diem!!!!

THE “RACE CARD” IS COMPLETELY MAXED OUT!!!!

I was in the store with my son and daughter waiting to be checked out the other day when suddenly I heard a very abrupt, loud, out of control screaming, cussing and straight-up foolery break out.  The customer in front of us was VERY upset that her small number of items resulted in a bill totaling $29. After an awkward silence, the clerk responded with a casual “I don’t make the prices, I just work here.” The customer LOST IT!!!!!! She apparently felt disrespected during her time of vulnerability and she spewed out cuss words I haven’t heard in YEARS!!!! Called the clerk all kinds of horrible names, insulted her “minimum wage job” and had to be physically restrained (by her husband) from going over the counter to assault the cashier!!!  Though her behavior and words (in front of children) were disgraceful, what got me was when she called the clerk a “racist @$%%$##@&!!!!” I was completely embarrassed. Yes, she was visiting an all-white town, yes there are ignorant people in our world, but being black did not give her a license to act in an unbecoming manner, evoke a rational response, only to be met with the RACE CARD!!!! Race had absolutely nothing to do with this. But too often it is at the forefront of almost all current disputes, acts of violence and discussions and many times it is unwarranted.

I must admit I currently live in a predominately white town, my kids attend a predominately white school, and half my family is white. However, I have attended and taught in mostly black schools, lived in all black neighborhoods and half my family is also black. I’ve communed alongside some of the most amazing people; black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Jewish… you name it. I am indeed educated, I have directly benefited from some of the great opportunities our country offers, and have never been denied access to any of my many pursuits and achievements. Unfortunately, with all the great strides that have been made for equality, we seem to be more divided now than ever before. Nevertheless, we will never change the face of stereotypes by perpetuating the very behaviors and images that seem to plague our brains through history, unfortunate experiences, media etc…

I am privileged to be biracial, though I have personally never subscribed to the black/white thing. It is simply a means to separate God’s creation. However, whatever entity we may subscribe to, we have the responsibility to represent that with excellence. If we want to change the way we are viewed and treated, it starts right with our daily walk, with our regular interactions and our unfamiliar encounters. We need to put the race card away!! As far as I am concerned, if someone choses to be racist, it has ZERO impact on me. They have no true power/authority to influence any part of my life. Therefore, it is their problem, not mine. In the meantime, we need to take the magnifying glass off the problem and become the solution. The resolution is simple. WALK IN LOVE!!

Everyone has a history we may not understand. It is easy to see others through our own perspective and experiences. It is easy to look at a man with a bushy beard, a worn Harley black leather jacket and a confederate flag bandana on his head and make an assumption. But why? He is a small business owner, grandfather of 3, husband of 29 years and devout southerner. My husband is black, 6’4, has on a baseball cap and worn sweaty t-shirt and big gym shoes but has to make a quick stop at the store. Based on the images seen on TV and various experiences, a visitor in our town may be inclined to clutch their purse harder and become aware of the potential threat he may pose.  She would never know he is a senior robotics engineering manager for a major corporation, father of 2, and a minister of music who finished taking his 14-year-old daughter to the rec center to play basketball and stopped for a gallon of almond milk to make kale smoothies in the morning for breakfast. However, it is his responsibility to make sure if he doesn’t want people to grab their purse in his presence, that he is not sagging his pants, riding off from the store blasting obscene music, cussing on the phone to one of his boys like he is the only one in the store. Instead, why not smile? Greet people as they come in his presence? Walk with his daughter throughout the store with the proud glow that any parent can recognize?  But most importantly exude the love of Christ in excellence.

Though it may seem an undue charge, (I mean, who has time for all that) it is a bill we all have to pay. If we want people to treat us beyond the horrible images they know, we have to reinvent that image. We have to walk in the universal language that breaks down walls and is understood by everyone. We must remember that race, religion, gender, etc.… does not give us a free pass to behave out of character. Unfortunately, I believe the angry customer I mentioned earlier went to jail. She will leave this experience believing that she was wrongfully treated and feel some sort of justification for her behavior. Instead of acknowledging that she not only hurt herself, she only confirmed the beliefs of many of the people in the store that day, which only hindered the overall plight of everyone.  Let us all do our part to extend a bit of grace to our fellow brothers and sisters. Let us treat others as we would like to be treated. Let us walk in love. Let us put away the race card and BE THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. 😊

On Turning 40… A Few Truths… And an Awesome Birthday Vacation!!!!

SO… Um…. When I was a teenager, I think I thought 40 was like “OLD.” And though my husband crossed the burning sands of 40 about 4 years ago, I have prided myself on still being in my 30’s… at least until about a month ago… 😨😨😨

So now I am 40. I’m 40. And things are indeed a bit different. Surely, I have the stubborn strands of grey that tend to crown (the most obvious) parts of my face… And the occasional chin hair… (Yikes!!) I have somehow, also become a natural fan of the skirt/shorts bathing suits, reading books opposed to TV, long walks, theatre, tea vs. coffee; occasional wearing of Spanx, kale smoothies for breakfast, old school music, flats over heels (and other logical beauty regimes vs. the more time consuming/expensive alternatives). It is amazing the insight and wisdom that comes over time. But I think there are a few ways my perspective has changed as well. And these are the changes I am super excited about:

  1. I have a desire to be more and more like Christ. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks about the decisions I make, or the marks of achievement I attain. At the end of the day, I want God to be pleased. And I am committed to that goal daily.
  2. My husband is my best friend. Though times are not always perfect, he has been by my side for 20+ years. We have built something so great together and our relationship is top priority to me.
  3. I have the great privilege and responsibility of raising my children. This time is so short yet so monumental. I am committed to not only teaching and telling them of the ways of God, but modeling and surrounding them with other examples of His goodness. It has never been the popular route, but I am SO ok with that.
  4. I do not govern my decisions or perspective by the status quo, what everyone else is doing, or what appears to be the majority vote. In most cases, the route the rest of the world is taking, I end up heading the 180 degree opposite direction and I love the fruit it is producing.
  5. Our bodies were built to last. If we take care of them, they will perform. Healthy food choices, full rest, regular physical activity and non-stressful days trump hospital visits, medication and surgeries ANY DAY. I am committed to a healthy lifestyle and I feel good.
  6. Beauty is not defined by a size, number on a scale, great outfit or hair length. We are made in the image of God. The love that fills my heart has permeated to the outside of my physical being. I am more beautiful now than ever and I feel radiant.
  7. And finally, FUN. Life is to be enjoyed!!! I do and will continue to incorporate fun and enjoyment in every single day of my life. No matter how great or small, I will enjoy the moments of this journey on purpose.

My husband knows all these things about me. In order to kick off my 40th birthday with a BANG, he took me on a surprise trip that included all of my favorite people, places and things. See pics below of the amazing time we had together!!! In the meantime, whether 20, 35, 55, or 100. I pray you regularly take stock of your awesome journey and enjoy every drip drop of it!!!!!

Here are a few pics from the 40th surprise birthday vacation:

(Las Vegas: Lionel Richie Concert at Planet Hollywood, Dinner at Caesars Palace, shopping at Fashion Show Mall, movies to see Fences)

(San Francisco: Rented a Mustang, drove the coast, walked the Golden Gate Bridge, shopping at Westfield Mall, Golden State Warriors Game… Steph Curry live!!!! Food, food and food…AWESOME!!!)

(Dallas: We went to the Cotton Bowl to watch my Alma Mater -Western Michigan University play!!! SO AWESOME!!! Stopped by Magnolia Market in Waco -AWESOME!!!! Met up with family and friends for dinner. Took the kids to see Hidden Figures – AWESOME!!!)

Had the time of my life!!!! I am super blessed!!!

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What’s Wrong With a Lil’ “Rose Colored Glasses” Perspective??? A Practical Journaling Experience.

I remember back to 1999. I had just graduated from college, got married, bought our first home, started an AWESOME teaching career, and finally had a couple dollars in the bank!!!! I was on cloud 20!!!! Everything seemed to be perfect and I was only 22 years old!!!! Clearly, I was God’s FAVORITE child!!! ☺☺☺ Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, and for no known circumstance, “reality” sank in. I was inundated with 150 essays from my students, I had real live bills to pay, my house needed to be cleaned and repaired and of course my new otherwise “Jesus Jr.” of a husband started acting like a real live human!!!! 😣😣😣

WHAT HAPPENED???? I was DUPED!!! I had been bamboozled!!! I found myself constantly evaluating my circumstances only to be frustrated. Somehow the zeal of newness was overshadowed by the effort necessary to maintain this dream world. I found myself looking for people with whom to share my “grief”. I wanted someone to corroborate that I had sufficient evidence to prove how awful my overall situation was. OF COURSE, if you are seeking someone to sit with you in your stew, you will always find them.😟 Let me remind you, NOTHING, had happened to me. I hadn’t been sick, I didn’t have any real issue; the bills were paid, the cars were working, the house was fine… I was just… I don’t even know!!!! THEN, I came up with an even BETTER idea. Instead of venting my non-issues to my buddies, I would write them down each night. I would think about the things that happened in my day and vent them on paper…release them…get them out of my system for them to never return.  OMG!!! What a RIDICULOUS idea!!! It actually made things even worse. I stewed in my own mess and rolled around in it and smeared it all over myself and I quickly gave life to my very own nighttime drama.

Thankfully, God rescued me from my SUPER HOT MESS and gently told me THIS:  focus on the things that are lovely, that are pure, that are good. Put the magnifying glass on the great things happening in my life, not the storms, the issues, the yucky stuff. (Cue trumpets, strings, timpani’s)🎺🎺🎺 It was like one of the greatest epiphanies of my life!!!! It literally changed EVERYTHING!!!

I went out the next morning and found the most beautiful “notebook” I could find. One that was inviting. Inspiring. And that night, I started a simple list of the great things that happened throughout that day. I can’t tell you how it revolutionized my day. I made mental notes in my head of the awesomeness that surrounded me, and I couldn’t wait to record it in my book each night.

This small adjustment has governed my perspective. I can say that I just bought my 17th book in celebration of my 17th year of writing in my thankful journal each day. I have learned that no matter how tough things get, how challenging days can be, there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS something good, something for which you can give thanks. If you are looking for a great New Year’s resolution, challenge, idea, or way to keep your perspective rosy… consider a thankful journal. There are too many awesome things happening in your journey to capture!!!! 😘

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